Heart's Words
In a world that has become too difficult to live in,
dreams are often forgotten and rarely fulfilled.
I found this out the hard way.
Too many times I have found out the hard way.
So I do what I can to survive.
I do what I can to keep it from happening again.
What little emotions I have,
I prevent from showing.
I dismiss others’ emotions just as I dismiss my own.
I avoid depending on others and
I refuse to let others depend on me.
And I always ask myself,
“Why doesn’t everyone just depend on themselves?
That way there would be no pain, no suffering, no heartbreak.”
Things just seem easier that way.
“Take care of yourself, and nothing bad will happen to you.”
Those were the words I lived by,
before you entered my life…
…When we first met,
I had my usual impression.
The impression that you wouldn’t (and shouldn’t)
care about my emotions,
the same way that I don’t care about anyone’s emotions.
The one thing I could not understand,
although, in my state of mind, it did not matter much to me then,
was what interest you had in me?
What was it that drew you to me in the first place?
The harder I tried to drive you away from me,
the closer you came.
With your friendly, cheerful way about you,
and that blissful, affectionate smile of yours,
I saw you the same way that I saw anyone else,
who was trying to get me to talk about myself.
Or my opinions.
Or my emotions.
It didn’t work.
In fact,
I almost felt antagonized,
by the way you never kept your emotions inside,
by words or by the expression on your face,
and the way you always spoke your mind.
You reminded me of everyone else,
in that they didn’t know how they could avoid getting hurt.
Yet you were one of a kind,
in that you were never cold to me,
the way that I was to you,
and the way that I was to everyone else.
But then,
something suddenly happened…
…It was something infinitely beyond explanation.
Something totally unexpected and without warning.
Something that I never suspected would happen.
Ever.
I fell in love with you.
No!
To say I “fell” in love with you would be severely false.
But by your love, I was revived.
Back from the state of being that I thought would keep me safe,
to the way I, deep down inside, wanted things to be.
The way that they should be.
I didn’t realize my love for you,
until you were gone.
I didn’t just miss you,
I missed everything about you.
The way you smiled at me,
even though I never returned a glance of happiness.
The way you obscurely flirted with me,
challenging me to break my silence.
And the way you showed concern for me,
where others treated me the same way I treated them.
It eventually became crystal clear to me,
that you were the reason for living
that I was looking for.
Tears came to my eyes at the thought of never seeing you again,
and at the thought of never hearing your voice call out my name,
or anything else,
and at the thought of having my heart broken,
one more time…
…But then,
just before I gave up hope of ever seeing you again,
you reappear.
My tears didn’t stop,
but instead were converted to tears of joy.
Through my blurred vision I could see,
by the expression on your comforting face,
that you had missed me just as much.
And needed me just as much.
And loved me just as much.
As you run to me,
I feel my heart beating faster than it ever did before.
And as you fall into my arms,
and as you hold onto me with yours,
I feel your heart beating just as fast.
Being here in your arms makes me realize,
that my life never truly began,
until you.
And now that my life has begun,
with you in my arms,
and me in your arms,
The winters will be a little less cold.
The springs will be a little bit brighter.
The summers will be a little more fun.
And the autumns will be a little more colorful.
With you,
here,
in my life,
The sun will shine brighter.
It will be easier to smile.
And the world won’t be as difficult to live in.
