There was no sadness in your eyes
A wistful quality colored your voice,
A thread of sadness.
If I were not so aware of you,
I might not have noticed.
I will never, in all my years, forget that.
facts are not always easy to face.
What went on means as little to you as
any encounter you might have had with any other female.
I hug myself, fighting a chill from within.
you could set fire to my blood with a single glance.
I notice your elegantly tapered fingers,
and try not to remember the way they touched me.
Nothing in your expression betrayed your thoughts;
you regarded me with an unnerving reserve.
I wished only that I could match your icy composure
and control the horrible pounding of my heart.
It all meant far more to me than it ever could to you;
Lust was such an insignificant part of what I felt for you.
Yes, an animal attraction burned in me, undeniable in it's intensity.
Yet, that attraction was all tangled up with infinitely more tender,
terribly foolish feelings.
I loathed you for wanting me for the most primitive of reasons,
For shielding your heart when I, so foolishly, lost my own.
I feel bruised inside, as though you have beaten me with you bare hands.
I fight the sting of tears I cannot prevent.
Foolish... I have no claim over you,
No right to feel this desolate,
because you sought your comfort with your old love,
Yet, I cannot stem the flow of pain.
Images assult me... you with her,
touching her, holding her, kissing her,
The way you once touched, held, and kissed me.
It certainly did not take you long
to get over any dissappointment,
While I was left... aching, devastated
over your lack of any real affection for me.
A terrible thing- hope,
at times, you don't even realize,
you are holding it close to you heart,
Until, someone plunges a knife into it.
Nothing is gained by self pity.
I managed well before you charged into my life;
I will not allow you to make a complete wreck of me.
The satisfaction of knowing how much you hurt me... I'm not giving.
In spite of my best intentions, I cannot
Rip you from my heart--- insufferable creature!
you have made a lair within, and refused to budge.
Anything to give my childish heart a glimmer of hope.
Have you forgotten? Do you ever think
about those few moments alone? Do you ever wish you
could hold me in your arms once more? Do you ever dream
of kissing me?... the way I wish and hope and dream of you?
It's not wise, terribly foolish, in truth,
But I can't surpress the need inside me.
I wish I could throw my arms around you,
Hold you close, never let you leave my side, but...
There was no sadness in the depths...
of your blue-green eyes.
