Happiness lies in my own hands
With Everything I do, with Everything I say,
I always end up hurting somebody,
I wish more than anything I could change,
But I try and try and get no where,
More pain comes every single day,
Sometimes I wish I could just run away,
I'm killing myself inside, and I don’t know how to stop,
And I keep telling myself this is all wrong,
My parents don’t trust me and who’s fault is that,
They would have to be crazy to even let me out of the house
Hell I don’t even trust myself.
I cry myself to sleep at night,
Hoping, praying in the morning things will change
Telling myself I'm going to make this a better day
But know just another day to disappoint my family
When I was little I swore to my mom
I was never going to do things all wrong
I said I would always be her little girl
And know look at me I'm making her life a living hell,
Deep down I know she loves me, but how could she,
I'm supposed to be her baby, and I don’t even let her come near me
I just keep telling myself I don’t need anybody, and I want to die,
Cause I'm so sick and tired of this pain inside,
I would do anything for a day without pain,
One single day without suffering
If I could turn back time I would turn it all the way back
When I was eight or nine,
An innocent little girl my parents adored
The baby of the family, the one who could do no wrong,
The one who didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t talk back,
And most of all the one who was happy, never sad
I can’t remember the last time I could honestly say
I'm happy with my life
Because it’s been years since I was truly happy inside.
I keep reminding myself if I quit this and that I would be just fine,
But I can't take back all the pain inside
I'm afraid I'm scarred for life, what’s done is done and that’s that,
And as much as I want to change I just can't,
Tonight I told myself there’s only one way out,
And it's not running away,
Because running away won't help I'll still have to deal with myself,
My parents aren’t the problem, and no it's not my friends
It’s the way I feel inside, it's the way I feel so trapped
And the dreadful truth is I can't run away from that
So I thought maybe, just maybe the answer is killing myself,
But I've caused enough pain, I don’t need to cause more
And that’s exactly what that would do.
So now I'll live it out day by day, and try to figure it out.
A way to change, it's not going to be easy to put the past behind me,
Hell I don’t even know if I can,
But I'm hoping and praying I'll get another chance.
This doesn’t mean I'll be happy I guarantee you I won't
But give me some time, and I won't feel so hurt,
My parents love me despite what I've done,
So if I give them a little respect, maybe I'll regain their trust
I don’t know what happened to me I used to be happy,
I used to say I couldn’t ask for more, of course I was little then
But I still knew life was pretty much perfect.
