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I dont know what to do
by Lost Angel

I have always been treated badly my whole life! My family members always treated me bad! I always had to do their laundry, cook food, clean the house, etc.. I had no idea what to do! I never had time to be with my friends and I never got money to do anything with them! I was a big tom-boy when I was little and my parents hated it! They would always tell me to stop being a liíl boy and to grow up because I was a hyper one! I was always told that I was ugly and everything! I didnít even sing because they put me down all the time!! I never talked to anyone about my problems! It got to the point where I would never smile and hated everyone and everything! I didnít talk much either!! I then became depressed and when that happens things hit hard! I stopped eating and cried myself to sleep every night. I always hit things- I even cut myself! I always wondered if anyone would notice but they didnít! I never had anyone to talk to or anything! I have always thought about killing myself over it but I never did because every time the thought of it came to mind I always told myself itís not worth dying for and that I would pull through it!! I barely made it through!! I hated life so bad!!

The only time I was happier was when my grandpa was alive! I always stayed with him! He was my best friend and when he died everything else did, too! Me and grandma then got close and are still close today! Iím always happy when Iím with her or my boyfriend! My boyfriend always helped me get through everything!! Thatís the only time I was happy!!

The times when I was happy were so different from the sad times! I was always an enjoyable person when I was happy but when
Iím sad I get upset, angry and mad!!

It was me who found out I was depressed! During my depression I had no one to talk to! I mean- I wouldnít talk to anyone because I figured they would laugh or something!

Love poetry did help me! The poem A teenager! by Jana Kaye Miller helped me out a lot!!

My life hasnít really changed much! I just havenít been upset as much or anything like that! I still have my crazy spells when I will go out and hit things with my hands or head and stuff like that! But through my whole entire life I never touched a drug!!

The only thing different I have done with my life is now I donít worry about what people think about me and I do what I want to do!

I would tell everyone that they arenít alone, it gets worse before it gets better and to hang in there because you'll be fine! Donít let things get to you and just be yourself!!

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