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Just In Time
by Helping Hands

Well it all started because my father died when I was seven. Then, eight years later my family is falling apart. My oldest brother started abusing me, my mother was broke and had no money so I could get some school clothes so I had to wear old clothes. Then I met my boyfriend during New Yearís. I was so happy. He didnít care if I had money or nice clothes- he loved me for me. Then a year down the road he says he has to concentrate on his work and college and his son and we canít move in together. He said that he wanted us to go our separate ways.... and that hurt so muchÖ I knew I didnít want to love anybody else. I couldnít. I gave him all of my love and he tore it apart and I had none left for anybody but him. Thatís when I started with my suicidal thoughts.

I remember when I lived in Missouri with my step dad and mom I had so much fun. He made me feel like I was somebody. He would buy me everything my heart desired. He loved my mom and she was happy all the time and I was happy just seeing my mother smile because that wasnít too often.

My happy times were when I was around all my friends and I was an outgoing, beautiful girl who had the best boyfriend in the world. He would talk to me and take me places and drive me around, showing me off to his friends and holding me and telling me every morning, even when I woke up with messy hair, that I was so beautiful and he was so happy he had found me and had me in his life. My sad times were when he broke up with me and I was stuck at home arguing with my mother, doing nothing but cleaning and watching TV. The only friend I had was Shannon, she is the reason I am still here.

I noticed I was depressed. I automatically knew because I didnít do anything anymore. I just laid in my bed all day thinking about why my boyfriend and I broke up and thinking I will never love anybody again like I loved him. Thinking, if I never will love somebody- why bother living???

The only person I could talk to was my best friend Shannon. She knew exactly what I was going through because she went through the same thing. She kept telling me that she was depressed because her boyfriend broke up with her but she did find light again and now she is going to get married to a wonderful man.

What helped me was reading the poem Bucci
by NikkiLynn. That poem touched me so hard that I stopped and thought about all I was going to do. I was going to kill myself over some guy?!?!?!?! Then I dropped the thoughts of suicide and forgot about him completely.

I am no longer depressed. I have a new boyfriend who I have been with for 7 months and Iím hoping it will last. If not, then I will move on. Thatís what I have learned- no guy is worth shedding ur tears for. If he broke up with u itís his loss, not urs. There are more guys out there waiting for ur love. I have been going to counseling and talking more with my mother and close family and friends.

Always talk to your friends. If I hadnít had my friend Shannon I would be 6 feet under. If my friend Shannon hadnít walked into my room when I had that gun, then so many people would be missing me and I would have never forgiven myself. I was going to die over some guy who I loved for a year but I lived because of a caring friend of over 10 years. No guy, even if u have loved him, is worth ur tears... Like I said- itís his loss, not urs. There are so many other people out there who will love you, u just have to open your eyes and look!!!

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