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Life can be tough
by Waiting for some hope

My dad had an affair with his secretary and decided he hated everyone in our family and wanted nothing to do with us... even my brother who was best friends with my dad. My dad turned against his religion and did a 180 degree turn. He used to lead worship at my old church but things have changed. That was about 5 years ago.

The problems started when he was on the cell phone with his secretary at all hours of the night and stopped talking to everyone, even me, his youngest daughter. After that my Mom came forth and told him that she had found out and he denied everything, even though she found a receipt for a local hotel. After that she filed for divorce. Since then, my life has changed completly. I am so homesick since we moved. I never realized how big my old house was and how many memories there were there. I was devestated when we moved but my family shows no emotion so I had to hide it. I can't drive by my old house. It tears me up inside. Also, my dad gives everyone a guilt trip about himself and tells everyone how lonely he is. I tried to make things somewhat right between us, but he hasn't talked to me since. It's been two weeks and I've heard nothing. He said he wanted to go to breakfast but summer has ended now and I can't go to breakfast. It saddens me.

When I moved like, 5 miles away to a house a third in size of my old house, it made me put things into perspective. It also made me cope with things because I won't be in the house that I grew up in anymore. I escaped my rut. A LovePoetry poem that helped me was Daddy by Nessie Light. It made me think about everything so I could continue coping. It brought tears to me eyes, but made me stronger.

I have forgiven my dad and I wish things between us could be repaired, but he won't talk to me. I need a car because I am almost 16 and my brother got a Sebring when he turned 16, my sister got a Dakota and my other oldest brother got a Grand Am. Since all of this happened before I was 16, I'm going to have to get my own car, even though I can't get a job because my mom is working. It's going to be interesting.

Don't blame yourself. You have to move on as soon as you can because the longer you take, the worse it will become. Talk to your friends, it's the best therapy. Also, watch "Diary of a Mad Black Woman," it explains all of the emotions and will get ya' laughing..

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