I told myself I'd move on -
Stop thinking about him.
What was in that look, that smile anyway?
Like an addiction, so sweet, so deadly.
I did all the stupid things;
I fell in love. I told myself I'd never
Do that. I thought about him - continuously,
The crazed obsession of a madman.
Whether life moves on or not - I don't know,
To me it stands still. Even the movement
of the railroad carriage I'm on just means
something's happening. Nothing really.
'As if you'd like someone anyway, especially him',
I'd heard all the bad stories... 'it's not worth it'
'don't be crazy' yet it didn't help.
I'll move on, now. Yet I've said that and it's been
nine months, or more? I was always bad at time.
Now I know exactly what to do -
Move on, go out, see old friends again,
After all, there never was a relationship.
Just something made up in the fantasy
world, the one out of a deluded mind.
But I still remember, the bittersweet
evanescent memories, light as seaspray
Rising out of the waves on a bright blue morning,
The first time I saw him - I don't know when, now,
I didn't like him then. Yet as time moved
On (time passed then), it happened.
Was it a moment's delusion, the time when
a stare made an impression, subconscious
knowledge translated into misleading thoughts;
All I know is, from then I was hooked.
I remember the letter. I can't believe I wrote it, all
coded and everything. Fresh in green ink, delivered
with a little sneak out of class, 'I've lost my pen'
Huh! If I could only turn back time...
What will I do now? All these ideas - great ones
yet I'll do none of them. Write another letter,
as if the first one wasn't bad enough.
'Moving on' - I need somewhere to go -
Chat rooms, clubs, friend's parties? Anything.
But maybe I don't want to move on.
The idea of liking someone - even one unavailable
seems more appealing. Great, I'm in trouble now.
Why do I have to feel like this? Why do I not
know what to do - how to think? My mind
tells me What I should do, yet here I am
still thinking about him. Maybe it is time to move on.