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Loose Thoughts
by Yvette F. Hanrath

The day is done
The children asleep
Dreaming of firetrucks and talking teddy bears
The house, all quiet but for the creaking of an ironing board
The maid continues her chores.

I walk down the driveway in the pale moonlight
My dog follows and watches me
Checking the locks on the gate
My eyes turn aside to the moon?
What is he doing now?
With a cup of coffee,
I settle back on the sofa
The TV crackles in the stillness of the night 
With images of people in places I have never been
I watch but my thoughts are far away?
Will I still see him, will he be back?

I unfold my legs from under me
They dangle over where your arms should be
I snuggle deeper into the couch.
Jay Leno cracks a joke
Would you have laughed at that?
Or totally oblivious, with your hand across my back
Your chin nestling above my head.
How many times have I wished 
For such a perfect night
How many more moons shall I watch
Without you by my side?
Not even Mulder interests me anymore.

My bare feet shuffle, nay, squeak on the wooden floor
I step outside and claim a seat on the children's swing
Slung so low I have to lift my feet
Remembering when I first bought this for her birthday
Oh, how swiftly time does fly.
Another man in my life back then
Whose face resembles my kids'
Why did pain ever have to play a part
Red and yellow he painted it bright
Blue and black he bruised my skin.
How quickly feelings change... in one night?

Tall mahogany trees
Conceal my solitude
Their leaves whisper to me in the darkness
Why do you sound so short and silent?
Casting dark shadows 

No different from those in my mind
Of thoughts, and fears of failing twice.
The evening chill makes me shiver
Or is it the cold loneliness of my heart.
The distinctive red light 
Of a solitary plane 
Makes its way across the velvet sky
And I ponder my own destiny.

Why did I have to love someone from so far
Why not a man right here, or somewhere near
Not a few have tried to break down my gates
But none of them bore the key.
And now I am taken by a cold fear
Have I made a mistake
In opening my heart again
To someone, as you, from a distant shore.

Who shook my heart's protection to rubble
By loving, I have opened myself to pain
I am defenseless in this game.
Oh, my heart, it's as clear as the morning sky
I have finally, now, truly fallen in love.
But alas, our future is not ready for us to claim  
The wait is long
And brings bittersweet sorrow.

How can I shake this deep longing
The simple joy to be with you, my love.
Engulfing my soul like a wave washing over me.
The dog barks, piercing my somber reverie,
At the sound of a passing car
The moon no longer hovers above me
It hides behind the roof of the neighbour's house.
Am I the only one who spends her nights alone in this street
Do they hold in their arms the love of their life?
Useless meanderings of my mind... be still.
I kick a stone as I feel my way back to the house
We are together in our hearts.

Be strong, my heart,
You have his ring
Let it burn through your finger
To shine amidst the darkness of the night
Like the blazing fire of love
He will be back, he made you a promise
He will be back... don't fear.
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Poem ID: 7129   Poem Posted: 8/23/1998
Viewed: 22887  Voted On: 227  E-mailed: 25  Commented On: 5
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Copyright , 08.16.98, Yvette F. Hanrath  all rights reserved by the author.
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