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NOT THERE, BUT REAL
by eddys norberto valdivia
I swim in my own thoughts
that surround me,
thoughts that I can't think
--just feel.
They numb my mind:
not there, but at the same time,
--real.
I'm afraid to think these thoughts,
afraid of what I might discover.
I'm tempted to sleep through the darkness
and let the sun dry the pool
--I swim under.
Scared if I look hard enough,
I might see my reflection;
I might have to admit my sin.
Scared I might find your face under the water,
--deeper in.
Your reflection I try to drown
with all my thoughts,
but the harder I try
the more you keep floating up.
And if I pull the plug
--and drain my head,
they will flow
straight to my heart
and push against the wall, weakening
--its part.
So, instead,
I have to close my eyes
and swim in the dark.
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