by Nicole Arias
His shirt sits on my shelf, folded perfectly...
just the way he liked.
Sometimes, I find my hands reaching for it,
pressing it against my face...
I take him all in with one breath.
I can still smell him in the soft white fabric.
I smile and cry all at once... I remember.
My heart won't let me forget him
and I've accepted the fact... I don't want to.
I did not choose to "fall" for him,
yet...I have choosen to stay down.
Does he still feel the writing
I once put on his back...
"I love you, with all my heart"?
More importantly... did he ever believe me?
Quickly, I go to put his shirt back on the shelf.
It cannot replace what I once knew,
just the scent of him brings back so much...
I want to remember and so much I don't.
Everything I've ever felt, wanted to feel,
couldn't feel, hoped to feel...
Rushes to the surface in one huge effort,
pouring out in warm waves through my eyes.
Leaving me hollow and cold inside...
only pain survives.
I miss him so much, and once again...
I find my hands reaching for his shirt.