I only guess I miss you.
I only guess you were here
before you left me alone.
I only guess because I used to know-
but I don't, really, anymore.
I don't know if I had a heart to hurt,
or if it was only loaned.
I wonder if I cried as hard as I do every night
on that one night when it hit me
and I knew you would never hold me again.
When it occurred to my thinking
I would never really kiss you,
That all those things I dreamed
would be nevermore- we were 'friends'.
I haven't a clue if I ever truly felt like I loved you.
Maybe there were a few weeks when my heart
knew for sure about itself,
And I was absolutely positive
what we had was the real thing.
But I can only guess if that ever happened
and if you asked me I couldn't tell.
Every tear that I let fall down my cheek didn't come from my eyes-
they were pouring out every single memory
I wanted to keep deep in my heart.
So even now, the things I can't remember,
in my mind I know should be there.
Sometimes I can't remember where the thoughts
went because I know what they were there for.
So, you ask if that pain you impressed upon me still hurts.
You wonder if I could ever forgive you,
because finally, you're sorry you made me sad;
All I can tell you is I guess I could find it
somewhere inside to trust again-
But maybe I've forgotten completely how love should be,
just like I thought you had.
I only guess I'm crying again.