Never an "I love you"
by luvin and hating
My family relationship has always been bad… especially with my mother. She was never around when my older sister and I were little. Now I have two younger siblings and it hurts to see how she plays with them and helps them with their homework. I never had that.
Ever since I have use of memory, she was never home. She was always working; she said to give us a better life. But I would give up everything just to know that she loves me. I have never heard those three words from her mouth toward me. It hurts to know that we are so alike but she will never know because she doesn’t take the time to get to know who I truly am. She only knows my cover-up… what I pretend to be. I am tired of people thinking I have the perfect life. It’s not like that, not at all... behind my closed door… is hell. It truly hurts. Nothing can ever make up for the love of a mother, no matter where you go or what you do; it just comes to your head. With me, she expresses her anger. She has even told my sister and me that we were mistakes... that she didn’t want us.
I’ll always remember one day when she told me that when her friends get together they all talk about how good their daughters are... how they do all these things, and she told me that she could never say anything like that about me. Since then, I’ve tried so hard to be the perfect daughter for her, yet I am never good enough. I never do anything right. I’m so stupid. She has insulted me countless times, yet I always stay quiet. I know that one day I am going to explode and yell so many things at her... tell her that she’s not a good mother, ask her why she doesn’t love me. I can’t live like this anymore. I wish every night that God will take me so I’ll stop hurting. I am still here though. I can only sit here and cry until I can’t anymore. I have no one to run to with my problems; not my mom, not my father… I never met him, not my sister… she doesn’t understand, plus she doesn’t have time, and my friends simply wouldn’t understand. No one understands. In everyone’s minds we’re such a perfect family. We have all these luxuries, all of this money, and all of these cars, all of this bull. But I would give it up in a wink to know that she loves me.
I wish I knew how it got this far, but I don’t and now it seems like it will never change. That’s the way she’s going to be. But I won’t be here much longer. I plan to move far away, where I won’t have to see her face and let it remind me of so many tears. I’ll leave and never come back. It may sound cruel but maybe then she will be sorry that she never got to know me. It will be too late then and she will feel what I have felt for 16 years.
One night, I was in my room crying, trying to fall asleep to forget my situation, and I decided to turn on my computer and search for poetry. That’s when I found LovePoetry.com. I was truly touched by the poem unhappy little girl by Danielle O'Callaghan. I just felt as if I, myself had written that.
I’m not sure our relationship will ever be repaired. My mom just pushes everyone away, trying to act like she’s so strong, like she doesn’t need anyone. One day it will be too late; I won’t be here to forgive her.
I still act like a fake, covering up my tears with a smile. I try to forget, but I never can. There is no way to repair a broken heart. I just want to remind everyone who has a mother that loves them to be thankful because you are truly lucky to have someone to run to with your problems.
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