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My Last Goodbye
by Doodlebug

My aunt and I have always been close. She was an extraordinary woman, who meant the world to me. In the last year we spent together, she and I had shared so many secrets and dreams, and just became so close. I still can't really believe that she is not with us. Each day it gets better and better. She never fades from my memory, but the ache does.

My family is rather small. It was always the six of us. We all lived relatively close and we were, honestly just a few steps away. We were all close to one another. Through all the ups and the downs, we were a family and we all stuck together. I watched my aunt grow so much the last year of her life… we all did. She grew more spiritually, she lived each day to it's fullest, and she did it beautifully.

My aunt fell unconscious at the wheel of her SUV and she ran into a tree. At first, the paramedics thought it was just her leg that had been badly injured in the crash, but it was later discovered that she had torn her aorta and needed to be rushed into emergency surgery, immediately. While she was in surgery, she had lost oxygen to her brain. It was then that we were told that she was probably never going to make it. If she did survive, the chances were slim that she would ever be the same person we all remembered. I couldn't even describe to you how that moment felt. It was a feeling that surrounded my mind, body and soul. It left a lump in my throat and such an aching feeling inside me. It was as though I'd wake up, and this horrible dream would be over. I wanted just to hear her laugh, see that million-dollar smile, and smell the scent of her and just know that she would be okay. I hoped that she would stick it out like she had done before, because my aunt was a fighter.

Each year my birthday remains to be a hard day for everyone. Although my birthday was the day before her accident, it is still difficult. The night before her accident was a blessing for me. I remember I had danced late and she was waiting up for me. My family said that my aunt had had an aura about her that day. My mom and grandma said that she looked very peaceful and that she had looked so beautiful… so full of life. Once I had gotten home, I went over and we talked awhile, as we always did. I remember exactly what she was wearing, exactly how she smelled. She told me that she knew it wasn't much but that she hoped I'd enjoy it. We said our last good-byes, gave each other one last hug and said, "I love you," and we kissed good-bye.

My aunt’s death was the most difficult time I've ever witnessed first-hand. It was the first death that I had experienced with my family. After her surgery, she was taken to the ICU where they were going to run EKG'S to see if she had any brain waves. During that time I found myself going in every half an hour to visit her. I was there all the time, rubbing her hair, telling God that he couldn't take her away right now. I told him that I wanted my aunt to be the same person we had all remembered her as. My aunt would not have wanted to live on machines. If it was her time to go, then I loved every moment I had with her. If she was going home with Him, I wanted to make sure that she was our guardian angel.

My family and I have all had a rough time. We were all super close. My friends are amazing, too. I like being able to talk about her; it makes my life so much easier. We remember her, talk about the times we all remember with her. We've all kept things of hers. We kept her cat. It's given me some peace to know that I still have a piece of her always there. It's comforting.

The first time I read through LovePoetry.com, I was really touched by Losing a loved one by Lisa Quinn Sanders. It's now been just about two years since her passing. Each day, I think about her and each of those days, I know she's with me. I miss the little things about her… hearing her laugh, seeing that smile and hugging her. That’s what I miss the most.

My only advice is to end every moment with the ones you love on good terms, even when you’re mad. I can't imagine if I would have said something on our last night together that I would later regret. Just say, “I love you,” even if you’re mad. Take everything day-by-day. Enjoy each other. Live every day as though it was your last.

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