Gone too soon...
Wow... our relationship was amazing. We got along so well. He always knew how to make me laugh and he did it a lot. We talked all the time, about everything. We never could get tired of one another. The calls saying, "I miss you," started about a half hour after we had both left for work, when he stayed with me. It was cute though... he brought back those feelings from high school. He made me giddy. It was so much more than that though. He didn't live in the same state as me, but was in the process of making the move at the time. So, when he would be here we would spend all our time together and we would never get any sleep. We just didn't want to miss a moment. Funny really... he could have and did have any girl he wanted, but they only saw the outside and someone who could support them financially. It was different with us. We had finally found everything we wanted in each other. It was pretty great!
We were together for 6 months. We were so close. He knew everything about me, even the bad stuff that no one else ever knew. We were both just completely honest with one another, no matter what! When you find someone that can accept all of you, with no judgments or questions... it's real. This was real!
He had come to town to move his business here. After being here for 2 weeks, it was time for him to go home, but only for 2 weeks and then he would be back here, this time to move... ”Woo hoo!” A week after he left, I was already set to fly up to him and meet the family, his little boy, oh and his horse! He was here with his best friend, who was like his brother and neither of them got any sleep the entire time they were here. They were backed up at work and had to stay later, so my boyfriend had decided to see me prior to leaving. That so-called 15 minute goodbye turned into a 3 hour one. They finally decided to leave at nighttime. By then, they had an 11 hour drive ahead of them. Well, with only a few hours left, the brother fell asleep at the wheel and went into oncoming traffic, hitting another vehicle. That did not kill him though. The truck spun out and his friend was trapped. An 18-wheeler was headed for them. My boyfriend loved his friend/brother so much that he got out and jumped on his truck to wave off the truck. It worked, only the truck hit him.
His friend lived and was injured badly, but will be fine. My boyfriend was dead instantly.
Things are always left unsaid when an unexpected tragedy like this happens. I probably truly can say that there are things I needed to say before he died. He knew I how felt as I knew how he felt. We always expressed those feelings. I still have the feeling that there was more to be said, like telling him I love him one more time, how I miss him, and how beautiful he is.
Right before he left, I hugged him and whispered, “Goodbye,” in his ear. He turned, looked at me and said "It's not goodbye, but see you later." I laughed, then smiled, hugged and kissed him. He called me from the road, about 4 hours before the accident. He asked how I was in such a sad voice. I sad I was scared ‘cause he was not there and I missed him. He replied, “I miss you too.” He sounded so sad and then he said he would call me before work at about 6:45 a.m. He was dead at 5 a.m.
Since he lived in another state, I did not know he died until about 4 days after. I spoke with the family afterward and they were great. I noticed at that time how he had come to be so caring. I spoke with his friend, and he told me that he died with a smile on his face. He was the happiest he had ever seen him. They had known each other for 10 years and he was 25 when he died. Knowing he was happy helped a little, but of course made me angry as well. I did not cope well. I’m still not. I miss him as if he had just walked out that door.
The LovePoetry poem I Truly Miss You by Benjamin Carter Newman helped me. It has only been 2 months... the hardest and longest 2 months ever. I am surviving, but only by a thread.
I know that people keep telling me that time heals and it will get better. I am just not that far along with the grieving process to accept that this happened for a reason. What reason does anyone have to take such a young, beautiful person... especially one that has a son waiting for him to come home?
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