When I was 6 years old, some guys killed my grandma right in front of me. Since that day, I have never been the same. I mean, she was like my mother. Instead of being with my mom, I would be with her. When I realized that she was gone I just felt like I didn't have a mom anymore. Yeah, I know that no matter what, she's always by my side, but it still isn't the same. When I really think about it, I miss her a lot and 'till now- it still hurts a lot. Then, like 3 weeks ago, one of my best friends killed himself and all of that pain came back and now I'm just not happy anymore. I can't be after what happened.
I was happier when I was small and I could be with my grandma and just have fun. When I was with my friend, it was always good. He would make fun of me and stuff, but we would always have fun.
I realized by myself that I was depressed, but I tried to change it and be happy, but I really couldn't. I start thinking about everything and it just makes me want to be with them and that's when I think of suicide.
I always had my boyfriend with me to confide in and I really thank him a lot for that. I guess that's why I love him so much. No matter what, he's always there but sometimes I can't let things out because I know he doesn't know how it feels. I can always talk to him about our friend who committed suicide because I know he feels the same way. They were best friends.
I was looking for a poem about suicide for my friend and I found the poem Suicide by Alaina Murphy. That's when I changed my mind. I realized that's not the easy way out and I'll get over it. I have gotten over my grandma, but there are times when I miss her a lot. About my friend- I know he's our angel and he's looking over us.
My life hasn't really changed, but I hope it changes soon. I tried to talk to a lot of people. I tried to be my crazy self- like the one I had always been before that incident about my friend. I have tried to forgive people I was mad at and of course, I got really close to God.
Suicide isn't the way out. Yeah, I know you feel like that's the only way out but think about who you will hurt. Even when you feel like people don't love you, there's always one or two persons who really do love you.
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