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Lightining Strikes Twice
by Burned Twice

I married for the second time when I was about 43 and she was about 39. We were married for about 4 years. She was intelligent and seemed to be a loving person. She seemed to be needed and seemed to be interested in what I was doing. She had two teen-age children and I love children. I had two teenagers, too.

I wanted to get married and so did she. She was just coming out of a frustrating relationship. We had met and dated briefly years ago. Yet, it seemed right from the honeymoon that there were problems. The real problems were with the teenaged children. The problems began right away. It is too complicated to go into- but I felt lost. I felt I was abandoned by her.

I tried to work with the kids but they really didn't seem to care. I was real hurt. There was really nothing she could do. She backed up her kids and that was that. I was out in the cold. Our love kind of withered away. I became depressed and we found we had no "common ground" to share. I read the poem Moving On by Avery Robertson. It seemed to sum it up. "I can no longer live in days of old."

We just parted and later divorced. I moved out and spent my time with my kids and she spent time with her kids. I just got on with my life. There was little emotion. Thankfully, we had no children together. My love had withered away during the marriage. I had one brief episode of pain but it went way quickly. Mostly I just had a profound sadness.

Not much has happened since. I haven't dated or really looked. I don't think I will. Twice is probably enough. I don't want to bring pain into anotherís life. My life is day to day. I do what I have to do. I find happiness where I can. I have no relationships.

I don't know what advice to give. Don't underestimate the power of kids that don't get along. They weren't the only reason my marriage failed but they were a significant added stress to the marriage.

Update: At 60 years old and 13 years after getting my second divorce (and giving up on love) I have met what I hope will be the love I have been looking for all my life. I can't believe how wonderful it is, how wonderful she is. Someone who loves me, truly loves me. All of our kids are adults and so there are no problems there. I never believed it would happen but I kept myself open to the possibility.

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